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3 weeks ago
Share →: Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Commentary:
Just wait until you see my advanced level: putting them on while hopping on one foot! 🧦🦘😂

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Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Making waves on Discord:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Just shared via Telegram:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Live now on Twitch:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Spotted on Messenger:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Reported on X:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

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Funny sitting down quotes

New funny sitting down quotes 👇

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

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