Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from has copied:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Someone from has shared:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Someone from has viewed:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from has shared:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Someone from has copied:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from has copied:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from has viewed:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2251 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,413

Funny Quotes Topics

15,120

Funny Quotes Images

12,413

Updated

47 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Just shared via Instagram:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Spotted on Facebook:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Making waves on Threads:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Live now on WeChat:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Making waves on WeChat:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Home » Funny Stopwatch Quotes

Funny stopwatch quotes

New funny stopwatch quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Commentary:
Ah, the timeless art of blending creepiness with performance art on public transport 🚆⏱️📖 Who needs Netflix when you've got live-action psychological thriller unfolding right beside you? Just your daily dose of unexpected entertainment! Just remember, every page turn adds another tick towards literary suspense – or possibly a restraining order! 😂 #PassengerPeekaboo