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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Live now on Threads:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Just shared via X:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Seen just now on Discord:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Just landed via Reddit:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Live now on Instagram:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

65 shares on Discord this month:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

64 shares on Slack this month:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

57 shares on Slack this month:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,715

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Live now on Telegram:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Spotted on YouTube:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Going viral on X:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Just landed via Facebook:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Going viral on Telegram:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Going viral on WeChat:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Going viral on Discord:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

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