Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Just landed via Twitch:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Trending via WeChat:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Seen just now on Discord:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Trending via Slack:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Making waves on Threads:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

63 shares on Discord this month:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,542

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Just landed via Threads:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

Just landed via Telegram:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Trending via Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Trending via Discord:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Trending via Pinterest:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Seen just now on YouTube:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

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