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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,339

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Just landed via Discord:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Just shared via Discord:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Making waves on Snapchat:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Spotted on TikTok:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Just landed via X:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Freshly posted on Discord:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Just landed via LinkedIn:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Going viral on YouTube:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Funny tarot reading quotes

New funny tarot reading quotes 👇

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

1 month ago

beach, career, career change, change, humor, job, quitting, quitting job, reading, tarot, tarot reading, topless

All funny tarot reading quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

25 shares on X this month:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Happy new fear!

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Just shared via Twitch:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Making waves on Threads:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Making waves on Twitch:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Making waves on Discord:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

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Funny tarot reading quotes

New funny tarot reading quotes 👇

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

All funny tarot reading quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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