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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

14 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Spotted on Instagram:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Going viral on Discord:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Shared recently on Discord:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Breaking via Slack:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Making waves on Instagram:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Reported on Messenger:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

14 minutes ago

Users Online

3,419

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Spotted on Slack:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Going viral on Telegram:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Spotted on Pinterest:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Trending via Messenger:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Just shared via Twitch:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

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