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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has shared:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has viewed:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has copied:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has shared:

β€œYou never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has copied:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on X:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Freshly posted on Discord:

What does international law say about a third Margarita?

Spotted on X:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Shared recently on Discord:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Making waves on TikTok:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Spotted on Slack:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on X this month:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

85 shares on Slack this month:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

97 shares on X this month:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This alien invasion could have been an email.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has copied:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has downloaded:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has shared:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Just landed via Telegram:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Freshly posted on Threads:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Just landed via Twitch:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Just shared via Discord:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Just landed via Reddit:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Shared recently on Discord:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Just shared via Messenger:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

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