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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,735

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Spotted on TikTok:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Just shared via Messenger:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Just shared via X:

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

Just shared via Slack:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Home » Funny United States Quotes

Funny United States quotes

New funny United States quotes 👇

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

0

3 weeks ago

America, bacon, food, humor, offended, offense, patriotism, states, united, United States

All funny United States quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

87 shares on Discord this month:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Just shared via Twitch:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Going viral on WeChat:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Seen just now on Discord:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Just shared via Slack:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Funny United States quotes

New funny United States quotes 👇

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

All funny United States quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨