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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

31 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Trending via Pinterest:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Trending via Twitch:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Spotted on Instagram:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Trending via Instagram:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Spotted on Telegram:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Going viral on Messenger:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Home » Funny Wasted Time Quotes

Funny wasted time quotes

New funny wasted time quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Commentary:
"Apparently, mastering the Macarena doesn't come with a generous reward, unless you count confusing everyone at weddings as a valuable life skill 🕺🎶💃 #MacarenaFail"

For even more funny wasted time quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

31 minutes ago

3,426

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Live now on Reddit:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Reported on Threads:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Just landed via Discord:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Just shared via WeChat:

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Just landed via Facebook:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Just shared via Reddit:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Trending via Telegram:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Freshly posted on X:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

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