Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

96 shares on Threads this month:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

22 shares on Threads this month:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.