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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Live now on Telegram:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Just landed via WeChat:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

Websites need to realize that no one ever, ever wants the site to be able to send them notifications.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Just landed via Reddit:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Shared recently on X:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Shared recently on YouTube:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Breaking via YouTube:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

3 weeks ago

Humorous text about a girl recommending beer as a healing potion.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your health bar is low but your spirits need a boost: 🍺✨ Cheers to magical potions! 😂

beer, called, drink, girl, healing, healing potion, humor, potion, try

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

62 shares on X this month:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

63 shares on X this month:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Seen just now on Slack:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Live now on X:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Making waves on Pinterest:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Just shared via Telegram:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Going viral on Messenger:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Just shared via YouTube:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨