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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Just landed via Pinterest:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Trending via Snapchat:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Making waves on Messenger:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Spotted on WeChat:

I am cassette tape years old.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Going viral on Twitch:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Girls are perverts when they like you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When girls start "investigating" your old Instagram posts, you know you've made it! 😂📚🔍

attraction, flirting, girl, girls, humor, pervert, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

0

2 months ago

alcohol, chocolate, heart, jeans, salad, wine
On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, contrast, cool, cucumber, emotions, humor, inside, squirrel, surface, traffic
I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

0

2 months ago

before, candidate, child, children, election, future, humor, i, irony, last, lead, play, politics, saw, sign, slow, slow child, us, voted, yard, yard sign
I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

0

2 months ago

appearance, craving, fine, food, hunger, hungry, inside, joke, outside, self-deprecation
I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

0

2 months ago

cooking, craving, disappointment, food, hate, hunger, ingredient, kitchen, snack
“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

0

2 months ago

alone, answer, aspiration, child, childhood, grow, grow up, humor, i, left, question, right, wanted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

77 shares on X this month:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Life is short, flirt with me!

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Going viral on Instagram:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Spotted on Threads:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Shared recently on Discord:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girls are perverts when they like you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨