Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Just landed via Messenger:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Just landed via Slack:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Making waves on Instagram:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Seen just now on Slack:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Just landed via Facebook:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the universe says 'shop till you drop,' but your wallet says 'drop till you stop' 🛍️😅💸

coping, coping mechanism, girl, God, humor, mechanism, relief, shopping, stress, stress relief

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

0

2 months ago

affordable, commentary, government, humor, i, irony, life, pleasant, safe, social, social commentary, sorry
Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

0

2 months ago

advice, ask, decision making, friends, going, humor, original, plan, procrastination, strategy
Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

0

2 months ago

experience, humor, me, millennium, second, time, trust, wit
The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

0

5 months ago

basic, comical, cost, costs, dining, fact, fast, fast food, food, humor, inflation, meal, price, restaurant
On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

0

2 months ago

adventure, anything, fantasy, humor, journey, Mordor, need, nerd, quest
Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

0

2 months ago

complain, fingered, humor, irony, moan, relationship, size, why, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

70 shares on WeChat this month:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

27 shares on Discord this month:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Going viral on Snapchat:

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Making waves on Reddit:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Going viral on X:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Just shared via X:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨