Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

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“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

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My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

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Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

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Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

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A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

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I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

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“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

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Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

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Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

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Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.