Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The shitshow must go on.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,259

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Making waves on Messenger:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Just shared via Slack:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Spotted on Snapchat:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

Just shared via WeChat:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Just shared via Telegram:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

2 months ago

0

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, Your Honor, at that rate, he could probably write the next Great American Novel in just under 3 minutes! 📝💨 Or maybe he's just auditioning for the world record in pen-clicking – the real unsung hero of office life! 🏆😂

clicking, court, distraction, honor, humor, judge, minute, pen, times, trial

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

0

2 months ago

bring, daily, daily struggle, decision, humor, i, jacket, just, life, should, struggle, thought, uncertainty, weather
I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

0

2 months ago

alexandria, browsing, history, humor, i, internet, just, knowledge, library, Library of Alexandria, loss, lost, tabs, tragedy, understand
Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

0

2 months ago

attitude, back, crazy, girl, humor, i, nostalgia, personality, still
Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

0

2 months ago

broken, chaos, children, frat, frat house, house, humor, living, parenting, sleep, throwing, throwing up
I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

0

4 months ago

affection, flirtation, hands, humor, i, keep, love, man, me, please, touch, touchy-feely, yes
Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, bird, capable, car, eat, eating, every, front, humor, i, plate, poop, poops, porch, revenge, show, time, wing, wings

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Instagram this month:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

82 shares on X this month:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

27 shares on Slack this month:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

23 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,726

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Just landed via Messenger:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Making waves on Threads:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Going bananas on Discord:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Breaking via X:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Making waves on WeChat:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Making waves on Discord:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴