Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Trending via Discord:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Just shared via Telegram:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Spotted on Facebook:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Just shared via Instagram:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Going viral on Reddit:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Going viral on Twitch:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Just landed via TikTok:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the modern dream: strong Wi-Fi and silent snacks! 🏠📶🤫🍿"

chewing, comfort, family, home, humor, loud, loud chewing, technology, where, Wi-Fi, wifi

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

0

2 months ago

eat, expression, food, humor, italian, language, leave, means, rhyme, saying, soup, take, take it or leave it, throw, window, yourself
When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

0

2 months ago

change, funny idea, hour, humor, i, idea, politics, president, time
Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

0

2 months ago

Confucius, death, die, drink, earlier, experience, humor, life, lot, much, seen, twice, wisdom
I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

0

2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, drink, humor, i, jittery, me, people, personality, picture
Relationship status: I love my bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, comfort, humor, i, love, priorities, relationship, sleep, status
Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

0

5 months ago

anytime, body, body image, chin, comment, comments, humor, i, ignore, image, joke, keep, self-confidence, someone, try, weight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

90 shares on X this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

18 shares on Threads this month:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

17 shares on Messenger this month:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

10 shares on X this month:

The government even made aliens boring.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

22 shares on Threads this month:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

14 shares on Twitch this month:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Just landed via WeChat:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨