How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

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They expect me to work at work.

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Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

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Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

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It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

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American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

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Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

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I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

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Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

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I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

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How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?