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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Maybe you should embark on a strange journey.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Spotted on X:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Making waves on Facebook:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Shared recently on X:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Spotted on Threads:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about feeling out of shape and humorously ready to meet Jesus instead of running.

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Commentary:
"Who needs cardio when you can have a spiritual awakening, am I right? 🏃‍♂️🙏 #runninglateforheaven"

am, exercise, fitness, humor, i, ID, Jesus, life, motivation, out of shape, right, run, shape, someone, today

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90 shares on Twitch this month:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

54 shares on Telegram this month:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

21 shares on Discord this month:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Making waves on Messenger:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Going viral on Telegram:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

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Activity Log ✨

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Keep the laugh going 😂

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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