I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.