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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,611

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Seen just now on Slack:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Making waves on X:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Going viral on Twitch:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Trending via Messenger:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Trending via Twitch:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

2 months ago

0

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs grass when you can roll in a bed of crisp Benjamins? 💵💰 Talk about living the high life! Just remember, money can't photosynthesize like grass does… but hey, it does pay for a fancy lawn service! 😉 #CashOverGrass"

aspiration, cash, desire, dollars, grass, humor, i, million, money, need, touch, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

0

2 months ago

certainty, death, delay, driver, frustration, getting, humor, late, life, shit, tax, traffic
I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

0

2 months ago

heart, humor, i, insta, Insta story, keep, media, memory, moment, moments, nostalgia, old, social, social media, special, special moment, still, story
Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

0

2 weeks ago

art, cat, chill, exist, existence, human, humans, i, job, jobs, just, need, relaxation, why
Dudes be named Will but won’t.

0

2 months ago

dude, humor, irony, name, Will, won’t
What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

0

2 months ago

90, beauty, call, humor, just, makeup, perception, reality, time, wipe
My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

0

2 months ago

bad, common, common sense, everyone, expectation, humor, irony, sense, thinking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

51 shares on X this month:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

79 shares on X this month:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,636

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Trending via Pinterest:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Live now on Pinterest:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Trending via Telegram:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Live now on X:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

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