I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

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One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

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I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

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Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

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It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

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She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

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Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

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My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

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Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!