Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Oh, the betrayal of diets! They promise so much, but when it comes to giving back, they ghost you like a bad date. Unfollowing seems like the only reasonable response – who needs that kind of one-sided relationship anyway?"

back, diet, fitness, follow, humor, irony, loss, media, social, social media, unfollow, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

0

2 months ago

abyss, busy, busy signal, communication, existential, frustration, humor, i, irony, scream, signal, today
British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

0

2 months ago

British, cultural, downstairs, humor, jump, jumping, just, Mary, Mary Poppins, never, open, people, poppins, stereotype, umbrella, whimsical, window
I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily life, determination, drive, driveway, family, flipping, humor, i, life, patience, perseverance, pull, radio, radio station, relationship, station, stations, still, through, wife, wish
December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

0

1 week ago

calorie, count, December, diet, eating, festive, food, holiday, humor, indulgence, law
Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

0

2 months ago

bird, club, early, early morning, fight, fight club, funny observation, humor, meetings, morning, observation, outside, wildlife, window
You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

0

2 months ago

ask, blood, deadline, form, humor, me, poetic, poetic verse, relationship, request, romance, Valentine, verse, week

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Slack this month:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

79 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

75 shares on Threads this month:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Just shared via Messenger:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Just landed via X:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Trending via Pinterest:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Live now on Slack:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨