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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1750 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,912

Funny Quotes Topics

14,729

Funny Quotes Images

11,912

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Reported on WeChat:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Trending via Pinterest:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Making waves on WeChat:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

I hate math, but I love counting money.

I hate math, but I love counting money.
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Commentary:
"Who needs algebra when you have the sweet sound of cash registers as your soundtrack? Counting money is like therapy for the soul – it's the kind of math we can all get behind!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1750 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,912

Funny Quotes Topics

14,729

Funny Quotes Images

11,912

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,451

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Just landed via Discord:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Making waves on Discord:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Just shared via TikTok:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Live now on Telegram:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Spotted on Twitch:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

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