Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Updated

Dec 24, 2025

Users Online

3,863

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Freshly posted on X:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Going bananas on Telegram:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Going viral on Messenger:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

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I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.
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Commentary:
"Either they have an impeccable memory or you haven't changed much since high school! 🚪🧓🏫 #SmallWorld"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

91 shares on Discord this month:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

50 shades of single.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

7 folks are currently checking 👀

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Updated

Dec 24, 2025

Users Online

3,588

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Just landed via TikTok:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Going viral on TikTok:

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

Live now on YouTube:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Live now on X:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Seen just now on Discord:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Trending via Reddit:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

Trending via Instagram:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

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