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☕️ "I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations – it's like a daily ritual of preparing for disappointment with a side of caffeine kick! 😉"

coffee, expectations, humor, i, low, mornings, motivation, routine, sarcasm, start

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

5 months ago
black, black mold, cute, humor, life, mold, relationship, relationship status, self-deprecation, shower, single, single life, status
Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

1 month ago
being, breakup, dating, ex, forever, hot, humor, marriage, relationships, temporary, wife
Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

1 month ago
affection, anniversary, card, communication, date, humor, i, love, paperless, relationship, sorry
The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

2 weeks ago
best, failing, forgetfulness, gift, having, humor, memory, open, present, presents, self-gift, surprise, time, wrap, yourself
I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

1 month ago
analogy, avocado, food, fruit, humor, i, impatience, patience, ripe
Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

1 month ago
explain, gap, humor, i, job, move, picture, resume, tried, word, work

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Just landed via Telegram:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Seen just now on Threads:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Seen just now on X:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Trending via TikTok:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Going viral on Reddit:

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

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I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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