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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I think my type is a nice person.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Going viral on Slack:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Just landed via Facebook:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

Going viral on X:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Shared recently on Messenger:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Trending via YouTube:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Just shared via Instagram:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Shared recently on Discord:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about math confusion caused by alphabet chaos.

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Commentary:
When letters crashed the number party, math officially became alphabet soup! 🤓🍜

alphabet, confusion, humor, i, joke, learning, math, stopped, understanding

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83 shares on Reddit this month:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

81 shares on Threads this month:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

90 shares on X this month:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

63 shares on Discord this month:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

66 shares on Slack this month:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Making waves on Instagram:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Breaking via YouTube:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Going bananas on Instagram:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Seen just now on Twitch:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

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Activity Log ✨

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Keep the laugh going 😂

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨