Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Making waves on Facebook:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Going viral on Telegram:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Just shared via Snapchat:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Spotted on Slack:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Making waves on Discord:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Making waves on Twitch:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Spotted on Discord:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Spotted on Reddit:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

2 months ago

0

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the dreaded moment when the "fun fact" request strikes fear into the hearts of introverts everywhere! 🙈 Let's be real, nothing brings a group of strangers together quite like the collective eye-rolling that follows this suggestion. 😂 Who knew a simple icebreaker could inspire such levels of panic and creative exaggeration? So, let's spare ourselves the agony and skip right to the good stuff, shall we? 🎉

activity, around, awkwardness, everyone, expectation, expectation vs reality, fact, fun, fun fact, group, group activity, humor, i, icebreaker, idea, introduce, introduction, nice, reality, room, social, social awkwardness, thought, vs, wrong, wrong idea

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

0

2 weeks ago

attitude, check, complaint, complaints, contact, daughter, humor, i, manufacturer, parent-child, please, response, told, witty, witty response
Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

0

2 months ago

50s, attraction, dating, humor, likes, relationships, self-awareness, welcome
Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, humor, joke, love, opportunity, pushing, relationships, sarcasm, stairs, teasing
They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

0

5 months ago

childhood, food, humor, just, memory, milkshake, nostalgia, put, used, yard
Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

0

2 months ago

adult, choice, done, ever, growing, growing up, humor, life, life choice, responsibility, sarcasm, thing, worst, worst thing
“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

0

5 months ago

always, going, humor, i, lie, morning, myself, procrastination, self-talk, sleep, tell, tonight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

77 shares on Discord this month:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

50 shares on YouTube this month:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

68 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,544

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Just shared via X:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Just shared via Telegram:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Trending via Reddit:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴