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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,892

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Just shared via Facebook:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Live now on Twitch:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Making waves on X:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Trending via YouTube:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Seen just now on Telegram:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

2 months ago

0

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Taking the road less traveled seemed like a good idea… until I ended up in the middle of nowhere with no map and no WiFi signal. 🤷‍♂️ Maybe I should have taken the road with a Starbucks at the corner instead! ☕️🗺️"

adventure, am, confusion, humor, i, introspection, journey, less, road, travel, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

0

2 months ago

court, defense, funnyquote, honor, humor, i, judge, left, legal, unsupervised
Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

0

2 months ago

aging, doing, doing nothing, enjoyment, getting, great, humor, lessons, life, life lessons, nothing, older, relaxation, simplicity
Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, life, own, ruin, self, self-deprecation, shoutout
Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, humor, important, life, responsibility, ruining, stress, work
Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

0

2 months ago

back, coming, comparison, dysfunctional, dysfunctional family, family, humor, media, return, returning, social, social media, Twitter
I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

0

2 months ago

cliché, humor, i, just, love, mindset, people, philosophy, phrase, sarcasm, say, saying, stoicism

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Discord this month:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Tested positive for being single af

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,637

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Making waves on Twitch:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Going bananas on WeChat:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Just landed via Messenger:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Spotted on Twitch:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Breaking via Reddit:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Spotted on Slack:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

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