I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

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I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

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If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

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Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

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My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

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Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

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Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

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One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

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I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.