I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

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Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

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The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

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That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

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I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

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Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

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I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.