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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Making waves on Facebook:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Making waves on Facebook:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Shared recently on Discord:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Going viral on Discord:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Spotted on Messenger:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Going viral on TikTok:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Live now on Threads:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.
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Commentary:
"Looks like the path of zero return started early for this person! 👶📉 Let's hope they peaked in cuteness and not just in self-deprecation! 😂 #BabyGoneBad"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Just shared via Instagram:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Seen just now on Discord:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Just shared via Pinterest:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Making waves on Telegram:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Seen just now on Discord:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

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