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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Happy new fear!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

Updated

18 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Seen just now on Reddit:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Spotted on WeChat:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Making waves on Telegram:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Trending via Messenger:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Freshly posted on X:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Breaking via Telegram:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Shared recently on Messenger:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Seen just now on Reddit:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.
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Eye of newt, spite of ex—let’s get petty, medieval style 🧙‍♀️🕯️📜

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

Updated

18 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Spotted on Reddit:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Making waves on Discord:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Reported on Facebook:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

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