Commentary:
Taking multitasking to a whole new level! 🍰🚽🥄 How's your cookie dough coming along?
11 Funny joking quotes
If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.
Commentary:
"Stacking chips takes on a whole new meaning when you can't stop eating your winnings! 🥔🎰😂"
We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.
Commentary:
"Looks like we're gonna need a timeshare agreement for the swing pushes! 😆⏳🎡"
Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.
Commentary:
"Oh no, I knew my astrological Wi-Fi was acting up! 📡🔮😅 #MercuryInGatorade"
There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.
Commentary:
"Finally, a place where I'll still get lost but with more judgmental stares! 🛒🙃 #CartConfused"
I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.
Commentary:
Eye of newt, spite of ex—let’s get petty, medieval style 🧙♀️🕯️📜
You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!
Commentary:
Oh no, not the dreaded "bedroom penalty" 😱😄 Guess I’ll need a timeout… or a snack in there! 🍪🚪
Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.
Commentary:
"Whoever said 'team work makes the dream work' clearly never met all the characters in my head who can't agree on anything 🤯🤷♂️ Looks like my squad is more like a chaotic committee than a well-oiled team! 😂 #OnePersonManyPersonalities"
My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.
Commentary:
Looks like those kids might have to catch 'Puke-Achu' in real life instead of in a game 😅🤢 Better stock up on some potions and antidotes for that unexpected battle against the stomach flu! #ParentingAdventures
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
Commentary:
"Oh, so you're the 'I'm-not-funny-I'm-just-savage' kind of humorist, huh? 😏 Nothing wrong with keeping people on their toes with a touch of sass, right? Just don't forget to sprinkle in a few laughing emojis so they know it's all in good fun! 😂🔥"