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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

2 hours ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Just shared via Instagram:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Just landed via Facebook:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Making waves on YouTube:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Live now on Messenger:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Spotted on Facebook:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

4 months ago

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle between the love for relaxation and the dread of the treadmill! 🏃‍♂️💭 It's like the gym equipment is in a long-term relationship with dust rather than us. 😂 Who knew that our commitment to lounging on the couch could be so unwavering! 🛋️💪 Just think of the calorie-burning potential we could achieve if Netflix had a workout integration feature! 📺🏋️‍♀

exercise, exercising, fitness, humor, i, laziness, love, much, not exercising, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

2 hours ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Just landed via TikTok:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Just landed via Slack:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Trending via Snapchat:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Freshly posted on X:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Freshly posted on X:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Going viral on Threads:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Making waves on Slack:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

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