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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

Going viral on TikTok:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Going viral on WeChat:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Trending via X:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Live now on Messenger:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Shared recently on Slack:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

2 months ago

0

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle between the love for relaxation and the dread of the treadmill! 🏃‍♂️💭 It's like the gym equipment is in a long-term relationship with dust rather than us. 😂 Who knew that our commitment to lounging on the couch could be so unwavering! 🛋️💪 Just think of the calorie-burning potential we could achieve if Netflix had a workout integration feature! 📺🏋️‍♀

exercise, exercising, fitness, humor, i, laziness, love, much, not exercising, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

0

2 months ago

ahead, back, competition, dad, driving, family, family trip, hard, hate, hour, humor, last, pass, passing, road, road trip, stopping, trip, vehicle
Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

0

5 months ago

age, aging, blurry, encounter, everything, eyesight, hearing, humor, loud, middle, middle age, too, welcome
Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

0

2 months ago

eat, family, food, fooled, house, humor, kids, parenting, someone
Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

0

1 month ago

advice, authenticity, even, humor, liked, liking, people, pressure, self-acceptance, social, social pressure, stop, trying
If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

0

2 months ago

healing, humor, i, inventor, irony, linear, medical, much, tell
Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

0

2 months ago

bad, bowl, candy, diet, Halloween, health, humor, salad, sweet, treat, trick, trick or treat

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

He took my last fry, your honor.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

20 shares on X this month:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,446

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Spotted on Discord:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

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