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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Normalize booing in the workplace.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

Making waves on Telegram:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

Shared recently on Slack:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Making waves on X:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Breaking via Messenger:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Just shared via Discord:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Breaking via Threads:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Going bananas on YouTube:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Going viral on Pinterest:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

2 months ago

0

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Wow, talk about taking friendship to a whole new level! 🤏🔑 Just imagine carrying a mini version of your friend around everywhere you go. They'd be your little sidekick, always there when you need them – just make sure not to lose your keys or you might misplace your friend too! 😂 #FriendshipGoals"

add, affection, humor, ID, keychain, playful, quirky, relationship, shrink

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

0

2 months ago

again, back, frustration, headache, health, here, humor, humor about health, i, illegal, nap, rest, should, shut, sleep, still, take, technology, wake, waking, waking up, why
They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

0

2 months ago

bag, convenience, else, humor, invention, items, scan, self-checkout, shopping, should, someone, where
My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

0

2 months ago

direction, drunk, gardening, growing, humor, nature, plant, silliness
My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

0

5 months ago

add, ever, every, flag, humor, i, iPod, just, liked, liked song, music, playlist, playlists, red, red flag, shuffle, song, songs, Spotify
The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

0

2 months ago

bed, comfort, couch, laziness, procrastination, real, relaxation, sleep, struggle
I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, life, me, playful, please, sarcasm, self-deprecating, spoiled, trying, unspoiled, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on WeChat this month:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

34 shares on Slack this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

12 shares on Slack this month:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

17 shares on Discord this month:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

69 shares on Discord this month:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,672

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Trending via Facebook:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Seen just now on Discord:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Shared recently on X:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

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