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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

24 minutes ago

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Trending via Threads:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Trending via Reddit:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Just shared via Telegram:

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

Spotted on Messenger:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Spotted on Discord:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

6 months ago

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

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Commentary:
🤔 "If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why did He make them out of meat? It's like He's tempting us with a delicious dilemma! 🥩🐄 Maybe He just has a great sense of irony… or a funny bone hidden somewhere in His divine anatomy! 😄 Just some food for thought, and apparently, a reason to eat meat too!"

animals, eat, food, God, humor, joke, meat, philosophy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

24 minutes ago

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Being awake is the worst.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Reported on Twitch:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

Shared recently on Threads:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Shared recently on Slack:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Seen just now on Threads:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Just shared via TikTok:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

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