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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Jan 7, 2026

3,578

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Just shared via WeChat:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Spotted on WeChat:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Trending via Telegram:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Seen just now on Messenger:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Trending via YouTube:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

2 months ago

0

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤔 "If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why did He make them out of meat? It's like He's tempting us with a delicious dilemma! 🥩🐄 Maybe He just has a great sense of irony… or a funny bone hidden somewhere in His divine anatomy! 😄 Just some food for thought, and apparently, a reason to eat meat too!"

animals, eat, food, God, humor, joke, meat, philosophy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

0

1 month ago

effort, heart, humor, i, illness, love, mental, mental illness, putting, relationship, sarcasm, soul, thought, used, where, work
Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

0

2 months ago

everyone, everything, expert, humor, irony, media, online, opinion, sarcasm, social, social media, Twitter, welcome, where
Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

0

2 months ago

family, humor, kids, never, parenting, phrases, say, sister, things, thought, unexpected, unexpected phrases, vacuum
Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

0

2 months ago

choice, decision, fun, happy, humor, irresponsible, joy, me, stupid, yes
All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

0

2 months ago

annoying, annoying person, applicants, filled, humor, life, need, people, person, positions, thank, thank you
It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

0

3 months ago

almost, bus, humor, put, struggle, struggle bus, time, tire, winter, winter tire

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

21 shares on X this month:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

90 shares on YouTube this month:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

59 shares on Twitch this month:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

56 shares on Slack this month:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

19 shares on Slack this month:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Just shared via Slack:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

Spotted on WeChat:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Seen just now on X:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Going viral on Threads:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Trending via X:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Seen just now on X:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

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