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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Spotted on TikTok:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Just landed via YouTube:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Going viral on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Forget counting sheep—I'm signing autographs! 🏆🐑😴"

deals, endorsement, humor, ID, insomnia, joke, sleep, sport

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

0

2 months ago

anything, expectations, humor, January, motivation, new, new year, optimism, possibility, procrastination, reality, today, year
The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

0

2 months ago

curiosity, early, early human, ever, hell, human, humor, ok, person, reaction, surprise, throw, vomiting
Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

0

5 days ago

anger, every, frustration, humor, lack, lack of sex, little, mad, mood, mood swings, reason, relationship, sex, swings, thing
Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

0

2 months ago

animal, attitude, bastards, bet, butterfly, comedy, humor, insect, irony, nature, nice, real, sarcasm, surprise
The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

0

2 months ago

balance, comfort, even, home, humor, i, irony, problem, productivity, remote, remote work, want, work, work life, work-life balance, working
Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

0

6 months ago

6, airport, am, beer, drinking, early, early morning, free, humor, judgment, lawless, lawless place, morning, no judgment, place, problem, travel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Shared recently on YouTube:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Making waves on X:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Trending via TikTok:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I am half agony, half hope.

Going viral on Telegram:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Spotted on Pinterest:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Spotted on Instagram:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨