Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.
  • Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.
  • Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.
  • Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.
  • You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.
  • A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.