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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Making waves on Instagram:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Shared recently on Facebook:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Trending via Threads:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Witty quote about artistic mishaps, highlighting humor and self-deprecating creativity.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like they've mastered the art of cornering themselves! 🎨🤪 Maybe next, they'll try sculpting their way out like Michelangelo did with David!"

, , , , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

45 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

52 shares on Facebook this month:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

22 shares on Slack this month:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Trending via Slack:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Making waves on Facebook:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Making waves on WeChat:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Making waves on Reddit:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Going viral on Reddit:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

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