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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Some people still fail to understand that the boot still has no problem crushing you, even if you lick it clean.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Making waves on WeChat:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Breaking via Twitch:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Making waves on Twitch:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Live now on Twitch:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Going viral on Telegram:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Shared recently on X:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

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Commentary:
"Love me or hate me, if you can handle my fabulousness, you totally deserve me! 💁‍♀️💅😜 #confidenceoverload"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on X this month:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

87 shares on Threads this month:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,374

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Seen just now on Telegram:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Making waves on Twitch:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Seen just now on Slack:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Seen just now on Facebook:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Just landed via Instagram:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Going viral on Pinterest:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Just landed via Facebook:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Going bananas on YouTube:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

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