If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.