Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Making waves on WeChat:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Spotted on Reddit:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Just landed via TikTok:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Trending via Messenger:

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Just landed via Twitch:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about impressing others with fake wealth using keys.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🔑🏠 "Ah, the universal magic trick of homeownership: waving your keys in front of a giant house and hoping for the best. If only it were that easy! Maybe we should try waving a toaster at a bank next and see if that works too? 🤷‍♂️😂"

behavior, funny idea, giant, giant house, house, humor, idea, keys, own, ownership, people, perception, social, social behavior, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

11 shares on Discord this month:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

75 shares on Telegram this month:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Seen just now on Discord:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Just shared via Threads:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Making waves on YouTube:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Just landed via WhatsApp:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Spotted on X:

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

Trending via YouTube:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Making waves on Discord:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

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