If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.