If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

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Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

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Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

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A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

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Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

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Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

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I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

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It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

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I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

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Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

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A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.