Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Making waves on YouTube:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Just shared via Instagram:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Trending via Messenger:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Going viral on Discord:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Just landed via Threads:

You’re my least favourite notification.

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"I’m the vibe assassin you never knew you needed! 🕵️‍♂️💥😅"

attitude, humor, kill, sarcasm, social, vibe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

0

2 months ago

childhood, family, having, humor, idea, kids, lot, parenting, possession, surprise, teeth
It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

0

24 hours ago

attraction, beautiful, humor, love, pervert, real, relationship
My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

0

2 months ago

another, argument, called, fight, humor, husband, i, limited, limited sery, marriage, relationship, series, sery, storytelling, thing, turn
Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

0

2 months ago

finance, free, free time, humor, i, irony, leisure, money, spend, spending, time
Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, know, mad, sarcasm, thanks, tone, writing
Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

0

5 months ago

attitude, humor, listen, second, slang, swag, turn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Breaking via Twitch:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Just shared via Reddit:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Just shared via Telegram:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Going viral on Threads:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Just landed via TikTok:

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨