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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

37 minutes ago

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Seen just now on Discord:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Reported on Snapchat:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Just landed via YouTube:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Making waves on YouTube:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Shared recently on Twitch:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Just landed via X:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Jan 24, 2025

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone has their fitness priorities stacked… with chips! 🏋️‍♂️🥔 Who needs hydration when you've got a full can of Pringles, am I right? Maybe they're just training for the Snack-athon 🏃‍♂️🍟 #FitnessGoals"

bottle, gym, holder, i, just, put, saw, someone, treadmill, water

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

37 minutes ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Just landed via Instagram:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

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