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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Making waves on WeChat:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Spotted on YouTube:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Just landed via Discord:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Live now on Discord:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Making waves on X:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Trending via Messenger:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Going viral on Messenger:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Just shared via Telegram:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Reaching for the stars, but my arms are too short! 🌌😂🤲

astronomy, distance, humor, long distance, long-distance relationship, love, relationship, star, stars

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

0

3 months ago

5th, 5th base, base, dating, describe, flirting, humor, i, kiss, me, only, romance, someone, tongue, tongue kiss
“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

0

1 month ago

chore, clean, cleaning, garage, great, humor, people, procrastination, weekend, wife
You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

0

2 months ago

30, communication, confidence, conversation, exaggeration, humor, liar, lying, talk, topic, wit
You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

0

2 months ago

experience, fear, humor, middle, midnight, never, night, poster, surprise, true, wall
I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

0

2 months ago

am, biweekly, biweekly pay, cooking, DIY, financial, financial struggle, food, humor, i, paper, paper towel, pay, quesadilla, second, struggle, today, towel, week
My bank account is also in retrograde.

0

2 months ago

account, astrology, bank, bank account, finance, humor, joke, money, retrograde

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Telegram this month:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

10 shares on Slack this month:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

63 shares on Slack this month:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Just landed via WeChat:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Just landed via YouTube:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Spotted on Reddit:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Making waves on X:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Breaking via X:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨