Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,505

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Breaking via Slack:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Live now on Reddit:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Breaking via Pinterest:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Making waves on Facebook:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Spotted on Twitch:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Making waves on TikTok:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, yes… the art of sleep-thinking! Who needs REM when you can have REMiniscing? 🛌🤔💭😴"

anticipation, bedtime, forward, hours, humor, insomnia, irony, looking, rest, sleep, thinking, tonight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

0

2 months ago

doing, humor, i, illusion, joke, know, magic, next, performance, self-deprecation, trick
The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

0

5 months ago

90s, cigarette, cigarettes, decade, humor, i, memory, miss, nostalgia, only, people, smell, smoking, thing
I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

0

2 months ago

bag, choose, drunken, drunken panda, fine, fine motor skills, gift, gift bag, gift giving, giving, humor, i, just, laziness, motor, Panda, skills, wrapping
Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

0

2 months ago

bottom, ever, heart, honesty, humor, i, insulting, irony, mean, should, sincerity
The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

0

2 months ago

chores, cleaning, ethic, home, home chores, humor, minute, procrastination, sit, sit down, thing, work, work ethic, worst
If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

0

2 months ago

buy, emotions, food, moment, proud, sad, self-control, snack, snacks, temptation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Twitch this month:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

25 shares on X this month:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

96 shares on Threads this month:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Ugh, but profoundly.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Just shared via Slack:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Just landed via Threads:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Just shared via Twitch:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Trending via WeChat:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Making waves on TikTok:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨