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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Spotted on Threads:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Just landed via Threads:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Seen just now on X:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Trending via WeChat:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Seen just now on YouTube:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

2 months ago

0

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic cringe-inducing paragraphs of yesteryear, where emotions flowed freely like an overflowing river of verbosity 🤦‍♂️. Thank goodness for character limits and emoji translations to save us from our past oversharing sins! 😅"

embarrassment, expression, feelings, humor, i, paragraphs, self-reflection, send, used, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

0

2 months ago

always, brag, checkout, checkout line, funny observation, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, line, moving, observation, pick, shopping, slow, store
How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

0

2 months ago

blood, drinking, enjoy, enjoyment, hot, humor, insomnia, keep, me, night, summer, thoughts, vampire
Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

0

2 months ago

conversation, fake, fake smile, hobby, humor, patience, people, situation, smile, smiling, social, social situation, stop, talking, waiting
I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

0

3 days ago

childhood, commando, family, give, hear, humor, i, know, memory, mom, parent, prime, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, siblings, speechless, young, youth
August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

0

4 months ago

almost, August, Christmas, Christmas shopping, costume, Halloween, Halloween costume, happy, holiday, holiday planning, humor, management, new, new year, next, over, pick, planning, seasonal, seasonal humor, September, shopping, start, time, time management, week, year
Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

0

2 months ago

admit, bring, buried, clutter, digital, digital mess, front, great, humor, i, library, mess, organization, phone, phone use, photo, photo library, screenshot, screenshots, system, taking, tech, tech humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Threads this month:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,706

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Live now on Twitch:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Just shared via Threads:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Just landed via Threads:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Trending via Twitch:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

Going bananas on WeChat:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

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