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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Spotted on Instagram:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Trending via Telegram:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Live now on LinkedIn:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Missing early morning meetings is an art form 🎨 Who needs alarms when you have natural talent like this? Maybe next time, try setting your alarm to snooze and repeat 5 times, just to keep things interesting 😉⏰ #ProfessionalSleeper"

closed, early, eyes, good, humor, i, meeting, meetings, missing, morning, procrastination, skill, sleep

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on WeChat this month:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

98 shares on X this month:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,396

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

Spotted on Threads:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Making waves on WeChat:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Spotted on X:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

Just shared via Reddit:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Just shared via Discord:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Just landed via WeChat:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

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