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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Apparently “Spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

9 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Live now on Threads:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Reported on Discord:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Reported on Instagram:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Just shared via Slack:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

6 months ago

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Missing early morning meetings is an art form 🎨 Who needs alarms when you have natural talent like this? Maybe next time, try setting your alarm to snooze and repeat 5 times, just to keep things interesting 😉⏰ #ProfessionalSleeper"

closed, early, eyes, good, humor, i, meeting, meetings, missing, morning, procrastination, skill, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

9 minutes ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Reported on X:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Live now on Reddit:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Trending via Slack:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Trending via Threads:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Reported on Facebook:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Going viral on Instagram:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Just shared via Facebook:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

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