Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,966

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Spotted on YouTube:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Just landed via Snapchat:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Making waves on Facebook:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Trending via Instagram:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Spotted on Reddit:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

2 months ago

0

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Missing early morning meetings is an art form 🎨 Who needs alarms when you have natural talent like this? Maybe next time, try setting your alarm to snooze and repeat 5 times, just to keep things interesting 😉⏰ #ProfessionalSleeper"

closed, early, eyes, good, humor, i, meeting, meetings, missing, morning, procrastination, skill, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

0

2 months ago

advice, bed, death, death bed, expression, feel, feelings, finger, humor, know, let, life, life advice, middle, middle finger, raise, regret, too, wait
I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

0

2 months ago

adventure, blindly, comedy, dodgy, dodgy situation, Hobbit, humor, i, misadventure, risk, situation, situations, walk, walking
You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

0

2 months ago

affection, gift, humor, humor quote, light-hearted, metaphor, playful, romantic, sensitive, wind
No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adulthood, adulthood challenges, authentication, challenges, humor, life, me, much, multi-factor, multi-factor authentication, relatable, technology, told
If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

0

2 months ago

body, body cast, cast, full, going, humor, i, looks, motherhood, parenting, relaxation, relaxing, sarcasm, show, someone, TV, TV Show, watching, wondering
“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

0

2 months ago

declaration, humor, likes, love, media, relationship, social, social media, story

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Threads this month:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

33 shares on Facebook this month:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

ROMO (relief of missing out)

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,802

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Spotted on Messenger:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Spotted on X:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Making waves on Threads:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Shared recently on Facebook:

This Monday could have been an email.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Trending via Discord:

The future is buffering.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Just shared via Reddit:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴