Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,548

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Seen just now on Threads:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Trending via Reddit:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Seen just now on Discord:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Just shared via Reddit:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Trending via Reddit:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Trending via Discord:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Just shared via Slack:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When life hands you drama, just say 'no thanks, I'm on a low-gossip diet' 🍵🙅‍♂️🙃

business, grateful, gratitude, humor, none, privacy, sarcasm, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

0

2 months ago

computer, connection, history, i, internet, noise, nostalgia, remember, screaming, should, technology, used, warning
I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

0

2 months ago

50, biology, body, bones, cells, energy, humor, i, morning, muscles, sleep, time, wake, wake up
I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

0

2 weeks ago

2006, available, date, even, humor, i, new, new year, nostalgia, sarcasm, take, time, used, want, year
I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

0

2 months ago

anything, bad, bad hair day, black, black cape, cape, day, hair, humor, incorrect, incorrect part, incorrectly, lights, me, never, parted, sadness, salon, seen, self-deprecation, under, wet, wet hair
We literally used to write an essay by hand.

0

4 months ago

education, essay, hand, handwriting, humor, literally, memory, nostalgia, old, old school, school, used, writing
Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

0

5 months ago

call, depressed, depression, eating, eating habit, fasting, financial, financial struggle, habit, health, humor, intermittent, intermittent fasting, mental, mental health, poor, poverty, struggle, sure, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

93 shares on Slack this month:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Going viral on X:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Live now on Threads:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Trending via Slack:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Seen just now on Slack:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Making waves on Reddit:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Spotted on Telegram:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Trending via Messenger:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Shared recently on Discord:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨