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Commentary:
"Talk about a true 'losing my religion' moment!🤣 Can you pass the popcorn while I enjoy my front-row seat to their haterade showcase?🍿🕺 #SpotlightStealer"

corner, hatred, imagine, just, losing, me, religion, sitting, spotlight

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21 shares on Reddit this month:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

38 shares on Threads this month:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

18 shares on X this month:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

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Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Seen just now on Instagram:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Seen just now on Threads:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Breaking via YouTube:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Trending via WeChat:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Just landed via YouTube:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

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Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

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Wordgag ツ

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Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

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